PART 1: 

THE PLAYERS

Tom
Tom: Tom is a Kentuckian by birth, but he spent most of his life in South Florida.
Normally, he speaks with a slight country twang. But during his jaunts into the ‘glades, you’d think he never set foot out of “Butcher Holler”.
Most of us swear that Tom was born with 3 vocal cords and a hole in the back of his neck. I mean, sometimes it’s tough to understand the guy when he speaks, but when he sets foot in the ‘glades, and he locks-and-loads the Redman chew in his mouth, all bets on understanding him are off.

Take, for example, the times when Tom needs to use the 2-way radio. One day, on the trip out to camp, Hoss’s buggy was having mechanical difficulties and was tending to lag behind. Tom was riding with Steve in the lead buggy, and Tony and Dom were riding with Hoss in the trailing buggy. Hoss had to stop for bio break, and Tom and Steve lost site of Hoss’s buggy. 

Tom got on the radio and apparently tried to say, “How ‘bout ya Hoss man, got your ears on? What’s yourtwenty? Need any help?” But the phrase came across the radio as, “Hdsbhheiug, snujskn hejkd bsun, hjfjwug hfgb krisbn in? whsksyj bjcdy jdsgsty? Neekdjkdi, slurp, mxby pksun? 

Hoss looked at Tony and said, “What’d he say?” Tony answered, “Damned if I know.” So Hoss grabbed the radio and said, “You stupid, ugly, upright lizard, take that shit out of your mouth so we can understand you.”

After a few seconds, Tom fired back on the air in a much clearer voice and said, what sounded like, “Fart you, shoot the bell up! Ah wernted tanow if yer bug eyes were redden tight, un if yaneeded iny felt.” Tony asked Hoss, “What’s he talking about?” Hoss grabbed and flipped open a can of Miller Light, turned off the radio and said, “Who the hell knows, be probably swallowed that turd he had in his mouth.”

So, those are the players, and here’s the story….. 

The Setup
Continued

Page Created on 9/30/00 Story by Tony Lepri